My top 5 absolute LEAST favorite Christmas songs
Many people who know me know that I can’t stand Christmas carols. Not Christmas hymns, mind you! I’m talking about Christmas carols. I wanted to share a short list of Christmas songs that make me want to shove red-hot steel wool in my ears every time I hear them.
Here they are:
5. “Here Comes Santa Claus” – Nothing against St. Nick, but this is one of the most annoying songs ever written. And did anyone ever raise an eyebrow at the often-overlooked fact that one of Santa’s reindeer’s name is “Vixen”?
4. “Run, Run Rudolph” – Here’s a sample lyric from this holiday rock gem:
Said Santa to a girl child “What would you like most to get?”/
“I want a little baby doll that can cry, scream and wet”/
And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a Saber jet/
Seriously, I didn’t make that up.
3. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” – Okay, in elementary school (shout out to Pooler Elementary school! What what!!) music class–you remember, the class where you’d rub sand paper blocks together and “learn to play” the triangle–we were allowed to bring music in to share with the class the week before Christmas each year. And EVERY year, without fail, one of the kids in my class (I will protect his anonymity and refrain from calling him out publicly!) would bring this record–yes, record; readers under 30 may need to google that term–and play it for us as if it was the funniest thing ever recorded.
2. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – I can’t ever listen to this audio nightmare without picturing whoever singing it being drunk on eggnog, wearing a horrible Christmas sweater, and slurring the words in an attempt to be charming. You’re not charming, you’re horrible and I would secretly like to unleash a Chuck-Norris-magnitude roundhouse upon whoever gave birth to this song…as well as anyone who ever thought it was “cool.”
1. “Jingle Bell Rock” – I really can’t find words to describe how much this song irritates me; not even using thesaurus.com. I can only offer this as an expression of my inward state whenever this song comes on the radio each year:
So, that’s my list. What’s yours?
JM
PS: What’s my favorite Christmas song, you ask? Probably this one:
Categories: Arts and Culture, Blog, Random/Funny
I hate “Simply Having Wonderful Christmas Time.” (Not sure if that’s the correct name) I worked in a mall one year during Christmas and had to hear this song ad nauseum. I also hate “Christmas Shoes”- way too sappy and treacley… not to mention emotionally manipulative. I felt cavities forming the first time I heard it. Number 3 would be “Santa Baby”- I just can’t stand the tune.
I liked my grandmothers, so I never understood the appeal of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.” My brother said it’s because I lacked a sense of humor, but I think it’s because I prefer wit over idiocy. Merry Christmas!
by Laura on Dec 3, 2010 at 5:04 am
By the definition I once heard from a music pastor the songs you quote are not really carols. They are still to be despised, though!
Kind of surprised you left “Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas (by that one hit wonder Burl Ives) off the list.
by Brian Braunschweiger on Dec 4, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Oh man, I can’t believe I forgot that one! Yes, it is wretched as well!!
by jm on Dec 4, 2010 at 9:17 pm
I really dislike “Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer.” I’ve always thought it was just downright mean that he couldn’t participate in the reindeer games because he was different. Even as a child; I didn’t like this song!
by Bev. on Dec 10, 2010 at 3:30 am
1. The Jackson Five: I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus (I did, I really did seem mommy kissing Santa Claus…._
2. Merry Christmas Baby.
3. Any Christmas Carol sung by Elvis
4. Any “rock and roll” remake of any Christmas Carol
5. The Christmas rap from Beat Street (Ho, Ho, Ho, Open ya doh…)
by Olatunde on Dec 12, 2010 at 4:57 am
Correction: Ho, Ho, ho…upon up yah doh
by Olatunde on Dec 12, 2010 at 4:58 am
Hate to join your ‘Bah-humbug fest’ because I really enjoy most Christmas music – it just puts me in a happy place. BUT that depressing Charlie Brown song (I’m not sure the name) that starts “Christmas Time Is Here…..” I change the channel every time it comes on. To add to it, I’ve never understood the fascination with Charlie Brown cartoons. I always just feel awful while watching any of those “specials.”
by Lea on Dec 2, 2011 at 10:21 pm
BLASPHEMY!! The Charlie Brown Christmas special represents all things pure and holy about Christmas…as does the soundtrack by the epic Vince Guaraldi trio!
Shame on you, Lea!! 😀
by jm on Dec 3, 2011 at 1:06 am